Remember when you were a kid a couldnt wait to grow up, and you had this perfect dream career and life. Did you get it? What dreams did you give up. Tell me

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"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide."
What does this mean to you?

You Can Be My Soldier, I'll Be Yours

My best Friend has a few weeks left of basic training, at Fort Knox Kentucky. After his family weekend he snuck his phone back in by hiding it his boot. So I talk to him everyday. Some days I'll get a picture of him in uniform. I cried when I got the first one. I'm a singer and right now I'm doing a show and for a few sence I'm a soldier. This week is dress rehearsals, so all decked out in my Mothers old camo ( she enlisted straight out of high school, she didn't have money for college or anything, at that time service was the only opportunity), I posed and had a picture taken. I sent him the picture with the caption:

You Can Be My Soldier, I'll Be Yours. He responded with. I Will Always Be Your Soldier.

He comes home soon, I can't wait to see my Soldier. But I can wait to say good bye. After two weeks he will leave me again for Fort Hood Texas. Then after in a few months in either August or November... He is to be deployed to Iraq, I'm so scared for that day. But I wont let it show, because I'm his soldier, and he is mine, and I know he will do his job and be brave, so I must do the same.

Miss. Cellophane, You See Right Thru Me

I feel as though no one is reading my Blog, I cannot do much to solve this problem except with patients, which I like a lot of. So I thought I'd say Hi, my name is Kierstin, I'm what you call a Nuyourican, a New York Puerto Rican. I'm Luthern. I am most importantly a Yankees fanatic to a obsession. Many of my post will likely be sports related. I'd will tell more and become more personal when I get feedback.

I hope I soon get positive feed back I have a lot of thoughts and ideas and tragity to get off my chest. If you ever met me on the street, your first impression wouldn't compare to what I turn out to be, I'm a surprise everytime.

I Still Remember Clearly .... But I Do Not Shed One Tear

I Still remember clearly....

3:50 am, and October morning, I clearly remember the phone call, It was my friend screaming at me, saying over and over it was my fault calling me an asshole. He repeatedly hung up on me. 6:05 am, my ex-fiancees brother calls me to tell me Alex is alive. This is a memory I'll never be able to shake. (If anyone wants to know everything that happened between 3:50 and 6:05, I will post a description, just comment below)

The next few days following that expperience were as equally awful. You think people would be sensitive to me to me after what I had just delt with but no, everyone blamed me. They came up with the most outlandish ways to pin blame on me, I was so vulnorable and weak, and I had to deal with this objective ridicule. None of the story made sense to me because, I had seen Alex face to face, less then 2 hours before the first screaming phone call. And everything had been fine, we had come to a common ground. Still in love and wanting to be together just understanding now wasn't our time. We said our last see you later, and I watched him walk away with the pre-engagment ring still on my finger along with one he had given me for valentines day, and him still wearing my real engagment ring on his chain.

The next weeks following on after the attemp were ridiculous. He had put out mix tapes dissing me and threatening me, he told me I killed him and the Alex I knew was dead. It all lead to seeing my mother scared to death and hysterical, and a call to the cops, and a restraining order.

....but I do not shed one tear.

From My Finger Tips

So many things run thru my head, so many random thoughts. Some past, some present, some future concerns or wonders. All buzzing in an unorginized manner. I wish I could shut the world down for a day and regroup myself before I become beyond over whelmed. It erks me, that we, people as a whole waste so much of this precious time we have stressing. It makes me feel that these lives we all live are pointless. Why do I do all of this, why do I worry, why do I struggle, for satisfaction in the end maybe? This is possible, but inevitable it all ends and all the stress and self success means nothing, because your six feet underground, or a pile of ashes. From the life I have thus far experienced and what I have observed, people are always chained up, obligated to something that just drains them and puts weight on them and stress. It seems like life hands you a ball and chain when you reach life after innocents. Sometimes I want to run away, get away from these locks and live, get away from this drowning feeling, and live free, lift that emense weight off my tired shoulders. But thats naive thinking, maybe I'll just close my eyes and let it fall apart and wait for the pain to run its course........

Everybody copes with stress different many cope with it the wrong way. Whats your philisophical out look on stress, how do you feel about all the stress you have, is it worth it, even if the goal is only sort lived, because the reality is time is limited.